Why Are You Here? This Blog Is Obsolete.

I have switched everything over to my brand new super pretentious Tumblr blog.

It's shinier and sexier. It's also where I'll be updating from now on.

Go there and watch me... Tumble?

See Me This Saturday in Vermont!

My buddy Jay Grove has collected a few of the young, new comedians in the New England scene and is bring them to Mulligan's Irish Pub in Barre, Vermont!

If you hate my stuff but are still interested in going, you also have the following comedians to look forward to:

Jeffrey Paul doesn't have any videos, but he's usually a closer at Punchlines at Penuches in Concord on Monday nights. He proves that all New Hampshire comedians don't have to wear plaid and talk about pussy. He talks strictly about penises.

I've only met Christopher Poublon once, but he's a great guy, and apparently a war veteran. You're unAmerican if you don't laugh at him.

Stephen Cloutier actually has a video, so you can see how funny he is.

And of course, my buddy Jay Grove is hosting. It's gonna be a great show!

Mushroomsturbation

Yeah, I haven't been around. I've been working 40+ hours a week trying to stay a resident of Boston and keeping up a 3-4 performances (to 5 and sometimes 6) a week stand up schedule. Let me tell you right now: there's gonna be less stand up for me this fall. Not none, but certainly not at the level I'm doing it now. I need to move into a new apartment, get a new car, invest in a new computer, and not die from exhaustion over the next few months. I have a really cool show I'm gonna announce tomorrow, but after that it's gonna be slim pickens for awhile. I will be spending that time working my ass off at my terrible job that I hate for very little money.

Awwww. All my imaginary fans are sad.

Watch this video where I hurl dirty comedy at an unsuspecting group of people and they hang with it about 65% of the time:

My Hilarious Buddy Joey O'Neill

This is my hilarious buddy Joey O'Neill. Watch this video then find him on Facebook and his blog.

The Rest Of The Summer Shows

I haven't posted in awhile, because working full-time is killing my soul.

But, if you (or any one of the twenty people that Google tells me actually reads my blog) need your Justin P. Drew fix real bad, I am booked at various venues in three states this summer.

Here is a handy tool I use to make sure I remember:

Upcoming Shows

get this portable calendar at comedysoapbox.com

Here's some info about each one of them!

The Burren, Wednesday, July 21st 10pm

This Wednesday, I will be in a contest at The Burren in Somerville. Show up and help me win fifty bucks! It's free!

Punchlines at Penuche's, Monday, July 21st 8:30pm

I am HOSTING a free comedy show in Concord. I'll be doing my regular bits plus old stuff and new stuff...

It's also part open mic and you should contact me for info how you (yes YOU) can get on that night. It's gonna be off the hizzle.

The Portland Comedy Connection, Thursday, August 5th 8:30pm

I am doing five minutes in a showcase in Portland, Maine, the town I started my comedy career in. Aww, nostalgia. Tickets are probably $5, maybe $8. I don't feel like double-checking.

The Gas @ Great Scott, Friday, August 6th 7:30pm

I am part of the Friday night comedy show at The Great Scott in Allston, Massachusetts, in a suburb of Boston. Tickets are $5.

ImprovBoston Open Comedy Jam, Sunday, August 8th 7pm

I am once again part of the Open Comedy Jam at 7pm at the ImprovBoston in Cambridge. Tickets are $5.

The Winner's Circle, Tuesday, August 10th 8pm

The Winner's Circle in Salisbury, Massachusetts, does a weekly booked show, and popular performers such as Juston McKinney sometimes show up. It's free! And it's taped! So there can be a Youtube video out there with YOUR laughter at MY jokes!

Boynton's Taproom, Friday, August 13th 8pm

Yes, a Friday the 13th show. Holy shit! It's a contest in Manchester, NH. All you have to do is tell the people at the door MY name and you get in free!

ImprovBoston Stand Up Showcase, August 15th, 9pm

I'm going back to IB to do their weekly Stand Up Showcase! $10, it's gonna be awesome.

If you need additional info or want to know how you or a friend can also get booked at any one of these, email me at JUSTINPDREW at AOL dot COM.

Sonia Oram Kicks Ass

My friend Sonia Oram is unlike most other female comedians. Whereas some women feel they need to increase the "nasty" factor, especially by telling more racy sex stories than their male counterparts, Sonia knows the value of staying cute and bubbly.

Sure, her set is deeply-rooted in PG-13 territory, but she pulls it off with this adorable innocence that is really quite spectacular. She should tell a story where she rips off a biker's dick with her teeth, and you'd just want to hold her close and snuggle her like a teddy bear.

Knowing her personally, she's an obnoxiously racist drunk. (Just kidding.)

This is her website, and this is a documentary about the time Sonia and I got stranded on our way to Concord, New Hampshire.

What Has Rap Been Missing? Tom Waits!

For the last three decades, there have been two forces in music circling each other like heavenly bodies: Tom Waits, and hip-hop. Like an asteroid strike, the thought of the two coming together in a blinding explosion eclipsing all other types, forms, genres and varieties of music was possible, but not entirely likely. At least, not while you and your children are alive.

Finally, Los Angeles DJ duo N.A.S.A. have corrected this wrong, using Waits and rapper Kool Keith on their song "Spacious Thoughts."

...And it is fucking amazing. Like ice cream for my ears. Like a blowjob from an angel. Like, Tom Waits on a rap song.

Paul McCartney heard this track and said "Fuck the Beatles, I didn't know shit about music until I heard this."

Prince heard this song and said "I can't even listen to my old albums anymore. I've wasted so much time!"

If Jesus Christ Himself commissioned the five greatest musicians of all-time (Beethoven, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Freddie Mercury, Tupac) to write and record a song for Him, Jesus would decide he liked this one better.

The real question is, how do I go on now that I've heard it? I used to value my iPod library, my record collection, my last.FM account, but now it's all useless. I am ashamed. I need to get more Tom Waits-meets-rap into me.

Could You Love Me Now?

This video was shot with Self's lead singer Matt Mahaffey both walking and singing backwards, and then reversed to make it look like he was walking and singing normal. Crazy ass shit ensues.

Here is Self's woefully un-recently-updated website.

Who's Ready To Rock & Roll? Not Me.

Five More Comedians You'll Love

Instead of making this an all-week thing (I'm lazy!), I'm going to highlight five more comedians right here that you should check out.

Dan Cummins

Click here to read more.

Comedians You'll Love: Dylan Moran

All this week (if I'm not a lazy sunavabitch), I'm going to be highlighting comedians that aren't in the mainstream but are better than most of the shit you'll find in the mainstream.

Here is Dylan Moran. You might know him from Shaun of the Dead and Run Fatboy Run. Those roles were both way beneath him, as you're about to see.

Here is Dylan Moran talking about women.

Click here to read more.

I'm Going Away For A Bit.

I'm taking a mental break from comedy for a couple weeks. Here is my current schedule for the rest of the summer:

Upcoming Shows

get this portable calendar at comedysoapbox.com

In my stead, enjoy these fabulous GIFs:

Click here to read more.

Can You Buy This For Me?

I would wear it every day, I promise!

My Car Troubles Are Now A Major Motion Picture

As I previously mentioned, my car is fucked in the ass. But luckily, fellow Boston comedians Sonia Oram and Tyrone Jones were there to document the experience.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present Sonia Oram's Stranded.

I (And You) Should NOT Audition For Last Comic Standing

So yesterday I wrote a blog about whether or not I (and other comedians with my level of experience) should audition for Last Comic Standing next year.

Well, I can tell you, the answer is a resounding NO.

A hell no.

A fuck naw, you straight buggin' if you thinkin' of doin' that shit even.

I posted on the Comedy Studio Kvetch Message Board and many comics weighed in negatively about the show. Prominent Boston comedian Myq Kaplan, especially, has a nasty horror story about his experience with the show, where he was specifically manipulated and lied to.

Click here to read more.

Should I (Or You) Audition For Last Comic Standing?

A lot of comedians I know are buzzing about this year of Last Comic Standing. It's gone under a complete makeover, with legitimate judges, the best host they've ever had (Craig Robinson!) and a retooling of the show's format. Now, if this season is successful enough, that almost guarantees that the show will come back in a similar fashion next year.

Which brings me to my question: Should I (or any other comic at my experience level) audition for Last Comic Standing next year? It's a long time away (next January to March, most likely) and presumably I'll have a bit more then than my pithy fifteen minutes of material that I currently carry around with me like Santa's sack of toys. Here's the latest episode of Last Comic Standing, watch it and you'll get a sense for what I'm about to say.

Click here to read more.

Zach Anner Becomes A (Well-Deserved) Overnight Celebrity

Last night, on the way to my ill-fated gig at Penuche's in Concord, my car broke down. And now it might be toast, as in permanently. I won't be making it to Manchester this Wednesday, and it'll be by the skin of my crooked teeth if I make it to Auburn this Friday.

I started to feel bad for myself, but then I saw a video that cheered me up. It was Zach Anner's audition tape for some Oprah contest, and honestly, it cracked me up. I genuinely laughed, he has a very funny personality, and is very easy to watch. Here is his audition video:

Click here to read more.

Stay Classy Takes On The BP Oil Spill

My Comedy Marathon! Five Nights of Stand Up This Week!

Hey guys! This week is gonna be crazy! I'm gonna break down all five of the places I'm performing this week in this blog post.

Upcoming Shows

get this portable calendar at comedysoapbox.com

First, I want to let you know I'm going to watch a show at The ImprovBoston tonight, and if you show up there at 6:30, you can buy tickets to see improv group Friends of Gertrude and stand up comedian Matt Kona, among others.

Click here to read more.

This Is Me Right Now.

Thanks to Mighty Mike McGee for showing me this.

Jon Lajoie Is Singing With His Gay Voice

This new song by Jon La-jwa isn't so much funny as it is just plain accurate. (It's also pretty funny.)

Some Love For Lupe Fiasco

No joke: Lupe Fiasco is my dad's favorite rapper by a wide margin. So let's here it for Lupe!

10,000 People Are Playing Soldier

Back when I did Stay Classy Comedy videos routinely I did a sequel to our then-second most popular video, Kidfight! Basically, two kids (Oliver and Owen) begin to play a game that goes wildly out of hand, accompanied by our brother Joebears and a bevy of over-the-top sound effects. And in the 2 1/2 years since that video debuted, it's received more comments than any of our other videos, and is now approaching 10,000 views. Which might not seem like a lot, but for a video that's slow-moving, poorly edited, acted mostly by two small children, with awful sounds and over-indulgent slow-mo, that was made for literally no money, it's pretty cool that we reached almost 10,000 people with it.

See more Stay Classy skits here.

Black20 Makes Funny Videos

For some reason, they don't have an official website anymore, but Black20 still makes some of the funniest and best-produced videos on the internet. Here are a couple that I find hysterical.

Missed My Peaks Island Gig? (You Did) Watch It Here!

Justin P. Drew on Peaks Island 6-4-2010 - watch more funny videos

I made my first $20 from a stand up comedy gig last night. It feels pretty great. Twenty dollars for ten minutes of my time. Technically, that's $120 an hour. Pretty freaking cool. Hopefully it's the first of many twenty dollar bills.

Summer Shows! Check 'Em Out And Come To One!

I've been getting myself booked and booked and booked for this summer. It's the summer of pudgy weird guy comedy. For you (but mostly for me) I am going to highlight the little box to the left of this blog and tell you all the places I am (currently) performing this summer. Keep checking back to that little box because whenever I get a new show, I plan on updating it. Also I whore myself out a lot on Twitter. So you have no excuse.

TONIGHT! Peaks Island, ME
See my blog post about it.

June 8th - Corner Comedy at The Middle East, 10pm
An open mic in Cambridge, Massachusetts.


June 14th - Punchlines At Penuche's, 8:30pm

Free show at Penuche's Ale House in Concord, NH. See this cool article about the place.

June 17th - Dick's Comedy Vault at Remington's, 8:30pm
I will be competing in the second annual Beantown Comedy Riots, an amateur competition with an $800 grand prize. Come and watch me kick some ass!

July 11th - Dick's Comedy Vault at Remington's, 9pm

Tickets are $10 at the door.

August 6th - The Gas at Great Scott Boston, 7:30pm
Weekly comedy showcase in Allston, MA. $5 at the door, 18+!

August 8th - ImprovBoston, 7pm
Sunday Night Comedy Jam. Tickets are $5 at the door.

If you'd like more info on any of these places, or would love to go but would need a ride (and it's economically feasible) or are a fellow comedian wondering how to get yourself booked, shoot me an email at JUSTINPDREW at AOL dot COM or on Facebook or Twitter.

Why Hasn't Anyone Seen "The Other Guys" Trailer?

This is a paradox to me: the trailer for "The Other Guys," a movie starring Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg. It's from the same creative team behind Anchorman, Talladega Nights, and one of my favorite movies ever, Step Brothers. It also features Michael Keaton, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Eva Mendes and Samuel L. FREAKING Jackson is supporting roles. So why, when I ask my close friends and family if they've seen the trailer, do they look at me like I've got two heads? This movie looks hilarious! Get your heads out of your asses and promote this, Sony!

Here is a link to the official website and the Facebook fan page. Spread this shit around, and go see it on August 6th. And click "read more" below to watch the motion poster they released awhile back.

Click here to read more.

Ugly Americans Is Beautiful

Ugly Americans	Weds 10:30pm / 9:30c
Randall's New Body
www.comedycentral.com
Futurama New Episodes Funny Demon Zombie TV Show Funny TV Comedy Blog

Ugly Americans is Comedy Central's latest original cartoon. Its premise is interesting: in an alternate version of New York, every fantasy and horror genre-related creature is an immigrant. It's like they put every movie and novel ever into a blender with New York and the Immigration Crisis and this is the show that emerged. It all stemmed from 5ON, a webseries written by excellent comedians like John Mulaney and Nick Kroll.

Click here to read more.

In the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.

"In the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt."

I'm glad I found this quote by Bertrand Russell and this Wikipedia article on the Dunning-Kruger Effect. As someone who struggles with confidence and self-security, it helps to know that scientifically, I'm doing better than I think I am.

A Shitload of Shows This Week: Boston MA, Portsmouth NH, Peaks Island ME!

This coming week is going to be pretty freaking busy for me, show-wise. Then I'm thinking of taking a couple weeks off from performing while I get settled in to my swanky new Brighton apartment. Here is a run-down of this week's shows:

Click here to read more.

An Interview

I was interviewed by a very prominent local reporter. Here is the interview.

When were you born?

Click here to read more.

Once Again, I AM CAP'N CRUNCH'S GAY DAUGHTER.

Yeah, I know, I haven't been around. Between work and comedy gigs and trying to move from Sanford, Maine to Boston, Massachusetts, I haven't had a lot of blog time. This is just an update to let you know that I'm alive and to show you my second round performance from the Portland's Funniest Professional competition. I didn't advance, but I got a few good laughs and that's more than I could ask for after two months of being a stand-up.

Trailer (or) Trash? Twilight: Eclipse, Splice, & Inception

This is a (semi-, or when I feel like it) weekly feature I'm trying out on my blog. I pick several movie trailers making the rounds and review them, based on presentation, my prior knowledge of the production and/or source material, and my pre-existing prejudices against the actors/filmmakers. I am a movie nerd after all. This is TRAILER (or) TRASH?

#1: Twilight: Eclipse



Now, I tried reading the first Twilight book, and I fucking hated it.

Click here to read more.

NBC's Community Is The Best Comedy On Television.

Yeah, I know, I haven't been posting so much, imaginary person in my mind who gives a shit about my blog. I promise you there will be more bloggage very soon. More Trailer (or) Trash?, more People That Inspire Me, and at least one more Stay Classy video in the near future.

But right now I want you to acknowledge that Community is the best comedy on TV. Yeah, sure, Glee is awesome, I'll give you that, but its overwrought song and dance production (which the writers of Community rip into in the above episode) takes it a step too schmaltzy for me at times. Plus, after every episode I watch of Glee I feel like I have to wash the gay off of me.

Click here to read more.

Stay Classy Is BACK!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.

See more Stay Classy Comedy here.

Jason Segel Wrote A Song For "Get Him To The Greek"

And it's actually pretty good!

Russell Brand can sing! Can't wait to see Get Him To The Greek. Kudos to Segel and company.

This One Goes Out To All My Boston Friends: Don't Drink The Water!

(Explanation.)

A Note On Joke Thieves

Patton Oswalt just wrote a blog post about how he was joke-thieved by a man named Nick Madson.

In the blog, he posts several videos of Madson's performance (in front of what sounds like a tiny ass crowd) that features literally word-for-word Patton Oswalt bits, including a couple that I know by heart. And hearing them bastardized by this asshole is disheartening.

Patton does note that this douche is clearly not going anywhere with his material (although, he did claim that he wrote comedy for the likes of Patton Oswalt, Louis CK, and Dave Attell, and thus owned their jokes.) Patton then vaguely references Ned Holness (better known as Carlos Mencia) as someone that steals jokes and then puts them on national television.

Click here to read more.

I'm Kind of An Asshole.

That is all.



Also, this.



And as a bonus, this old chestnut!

Trailer (or) Trash? Scott Pilgrim, The Expendables, & The Back-Up Plan

This is a new weekly feature I'm trying out on my blog. I pick several movie trailers making the rounds and review them, based on presentation, my prior knowledge of the production and/or source material, and my pre-existing prejudices against the actors/filmmakers. I am a movie nerd after all. This is TRAILER (or) TRASH?

#1: Scott Pilgrim Vs The World

Click here to read more.

Let Me Be Your Maine Man!

I love this Rhett & Link song, so so so much. And it isn't just the Maine references, those are hilarious, but the tune is oddly haunting. Just a very sweet hook. When I have more money I might buy their CD "Up To This Point."

Here's them serenading a Taco Bell employee.

This Earth Day, Stop Being A Pussy About The Environment.

Today, on Earth Day, Sun Chips has placed an interactive ad on YouTube that allows you to pledge to do something to help the environment. Some people are switching to hybrids, some are recycling or cleaning up parks, planting trees, all sorts of things. Here is an example of one person's pledge:



Oh, Hannah B. from Michigan, good for you. Changing to a completely renewable form of energy, I'm proud of you! Think about how much electricity you'll save! Here's another keeper:



What, Laurent? Are you fucking serious?

Click here to read more.

Thank You, Fat Little Drowning-While-Eating Asian Girl.

You helped me stave off suicide for one more day.

The Swagger, sw-sw-Swagger, sw-Swagger of a Cripple!

"Motherfucker, I'm awesome!/No you're not dude, don't lie!"

The rapper named Spizzy Spose is really Ryan Peters from Wells, Maine. Last fall, he recorded the funny song "I'm Awesome" and stuck it on his and Cam Groves' mixtape, "We Smoked It All." And that shit took off.

Local Maine rock station WCYY played it nonstop, which started a chain reaction that spread like wildfire across the country. He's getting spins in the following places: (and this isn't market research, these are people I've met saying they heard it on the radio!) California, Texas, Connecticut, Colorado?!?! Seriously? A rap song with lyrics about serving lobster rolls in Wells, Maine has developed this kind of following? As of this writing, it is #37 on the Billboard Hot 100.

Spose is now signed with Universal Republic. I'm Awesome is taking off like a rocket, and hopefully Peters can turn this song's hype into an Eminem-level recording career. If not, then just release a major label album and come back to Maine where we'll always love you, no matter what.

I Am Cap'n Crunch's Gay Daughter

OH MY GOD I AM DOING STAND UP IN THIS VIDEO.

This performance sent me to the next round!

Slang of Ages

This is my brother Matthew Drew's band. This is the video for their first single.

Get acquainted, I think you'll be seeing more of them.

People That Inspire Me: Patton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt is my all-time favorite comedian. Here is just one reason why:



Patton is a Grammy-nominated comedian who you probably knew about before from his role on King Of Queens, a decent CBS sitcom that launched the career of Kevin James. I believe Kevin James's shitty career is cosmic karmic balance for Patton's awesome one.

Click here to read more.

New Blog.

I'm done with the emo shit. From now on, this blog is for comedy and cool shit.

Expect lots and lots of swearing.

Lots and lots of FUCKING swearing, and LOTS OF ALL CAPS.

Let's get LOUD IN THIS BITCH, motherfudgers.

Here is my first successful performance as a stand up comedian:


Justin P. Drew: My Name Should Be Peggy

Justin P. Drew | MySpace Video