This Earth Day, Stop Being A Pussy About The Environment.

Today, on Earth Day, Sun Chips has placed an interactive ad on YouTube that allows you to pledge to do something to help the environment. Some people are switching to hybrids, some are recycling or cleaning up parks, planting trees, all sorts of things. Here is an example of one person's pledge:



Oh, Hannah B. from Michigan, good for you. Changing to a completely renewable form of energy, I'm proud of you! Think about how much electricity you'll save! Here's another keeper:



What, Laurent? Are you fucking serious? That's your big contribution to the FUCKING WORLD, Laurent? Turning off lights in your house. Did you think you'd impress us with that? Fuck you.

So I decided to make my own Earth Day pledge. I think it's a radical step forward for the green movement.



YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, ASSHOLES. Let's turn the tables on these littering bastards!

On behalf of Sun Chips and Al Gore, I am declaring war on everyone who litters! If you drop that soda can, you BETTER pick that shit up, or you lose an eye!

Consider this JIHAD, MOFO!

The streets will run red with the blood of the inconsiderate!

If the lights are on at your house, Laurent, and you're not home, your house gets FERTILIZER BOMBED! That's what you get for reneging on an EARTH DAY PROMISE! This shit is for real, son! Show some god-damned respect!