Why Are You Here? This Blog Is Obsolete.

I have switched everything over to my brand new super pretentious Tumblr blog.

It's shinier and sexier. It's also where I'll be updating from now on.

Go there and watch me... Tumble?

See Me This Saturday in Vermont!

My buddy Jay Grove has collected a few of the young, new comedians in the New England scene and is bring them to Mulligan's Irish Pub in Barre, Vermont!

If you hate my stuff but are still interested in going, you also have the following comedians to look forward to:

Jeffrey Paul doesn't have any videos, but he's usually a closer at Punchlines at Penuches in Concord on Monday nights. He proves that all New Hampshire comedians don't have to wear plaid and talk about pussy. He talks strictly about penises.

I've only met Christopher Poublon once, but he's a great guy, and apparently a war veteran. You're unAmerican if you don't laugh at him.

Stephen Cloutier actually has a video, so you can see how funny he is.

And of course, my buddy Jay Grove is hosting. It's gonna be a great show!

Mushroomsturbation

Yeah, I haven't been around. I've been working 40+ hours a week trying to stay a resident of Boston and keeping up a 3-4 performances (to 5 and sometimes 6) a week stand up schedule. Let me tell you right now: there's gonna be less stand up for me this fall. Not none, but certainly not at the level I'm doing it now. I need to move into a new apartment, get a new car, invest in a new computer, and not die from exhaustion over the next few months. I have a really cool show I'm gonna announce tomorrow, but after that it's gonna be slim pickens for awhile. I will be spending that time working my ass off at my terrible job that I hate for very little money.

Awwww. All my imaginary fans are sad.

Watch this video where I hurl dirty comedy at an unsuspecting group of people and they hang with it about 65% of the time:

My Hilarious Buddy Joey O'Neill

This is my hilarious buddy Joey O'Neill. Watch this video then find him on Facebook and his blog.

The Rest Of The Summer Shows

I haven't posted in awhile, because working full-time is killing my soul.

But, if you (or any one of the twenty people that Google tells me actually reads my blog) need your Justin P. Drew fix real bad, I am booked at various venues in three states this summer.

Here is a handy tool I use to make sure I remember:

Upcoming Shows

get this portable calendar at comedysoapbox.com

Here's some info about each one of them!

The Burren, Wednesday, July 21st 10pm

This Wednesday, I will be in a contest at The Burren in Somerville. Show up and help me win fifty bucks! It's free!

Punchlines at Penuche's, Monday, July 21st 8:30pm

I am HOSTING a free comedy show in Concord. I'll be doing my regular bits plus old stuff and new stuff...

It's also part open mic and you should contact me for info how you (yes YOU) can get on that night. It's gonna be off the hizzle.

The Portland Comedy Connection, Thursday, August 5th 8:30pm

I am doing five minutes in a showcase in Portland, Maine, the town I started my comedy career in. Aww, nostalgia. Tickets are probably $5, maybe $8. I don't feel like double-checking.

The Gas @ Great Scott, Friday, August 6th 7:30pm

I am part of the Friday night comedy show at The Great Scott in Allston, Massachusetts, in a suburb of Boston. Tickets are $5.

ImprovBoston Open Comedy Jam, Sunday, August 8th 7pm

I am once again part of the Open Comedy Jam at 7pm at the ImprovBoston in Cambridge. Tickets are $5.

The Winner's Circle, Tuesday, August 10th 8pm

The Winner's Circle in Salisbury, Massachusetts, does a weekly booked show, and popular performers such as Juston McKinney sometimes show up. It's free! And it's taped! So there can be a Youtube video out there with YOUR laughter at MY jokes!

Boynton's Taproom, Friday, August 13th 8pm

Yes, a Friday the 13th show. Holy shit! It's a contest in Manchester, NH. All you have to do is tell the people at the door MY name and you get in free!

ImprovBoston Stand Up Showcase, August 15th, 9pm

I'm going back to IB to do their weekly Stand Up Showcase! $10, it's gonna be awesome.

If you need additional info or want to know how you or a friend can also get booked at any one of these, email me at JUSTINPDREW at AOL dot COM.

Sonia Oram Kicks Ass

My friend Sonia Oram is unlike most other female comedians. Whereas some women feel they need to increase the "nasty" factor, especially by telling more racy sex stories than their male counterparts, Sonia knows the value of staying cute and bubbly.

Sure, her set is deeply-rooted in PG-13 territory, but she pulls it off with this adorable innocence that is really quite spectacular. She should tell a story where she rips off a biker's dick with her teeth, and you'd just want to hold her close and snuggle her like a teddy bear.

Knowing her personally, she's an obnoxiously racist drunk. (Just kidding.)

This is her website, and this is a documentary about the time Sonia and I got stranded on our way to Concord, New Hampshire.

What Has Rap Been Missing? Tom Waits!

For the last three decades, there have been two forces in music circling each other like heavenly bodies: Tom Waits, and hip-hop. Like an asteroid strike, the thought of the two coming together in a blinding explosion eclipsing all other types, forms, genres and varieties of music was possible, but not entirely likely. At least, not while you and your children are alive.

Finally, Los Angeles DJ duo N.A.S.A. have corrected this wrong, using Waits and rapper Kool Keith on their song "Spacious Thoughts."

...And it is fucking amazing. Like ice cream for my ears. Like a blowjob from an angel. Like, Tom Waits on a rap song.

Paul McCartney heard this track and said "Fuck the Beatles, I didn't know shit about music until I heard this."

Prince heard this song and said "I can't even listen to my old albums anymore. I've wasted so much time!"

If Jesus Christ Himself commissioned the five greatest musicians of all-time (Beethoven, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Freddie Mercury, Tupac) to write and record a song for Him, Jesus would decide he liked this one better.

The real question is, how do I go on now that I've heard it? I used to value my iPod library, my record collection, my last.FM account, but now it's all useless. I am ashamed. I need to get more Tom Waits-meets-rap into me.

Could You Love Me Now?

This video was shot with Self's lead singer Matt Mahaffey both walking and singing backwards, and then reversed to make it look like he was walking and singing normal. Crazy ass shit ensues.

Here is Self's woefully un-recently-updated website.

Who's Ready To Rock & Roll? Not Me.

Five More Comedians You'll Love

Instead of making this an all-week thing (I'm lazy!), I'm going to highlight five more comedians right here that you should check out.

Dan Cummins

Click here to read more.

Comedians You'll Love: Dylan Moran

All this week (if I'm not a lazy sunavabitch), I'm going to be highlighting comedians that aren't in the mainstream but are better than most of the shit you'll find in the mainstream.

Here is Dylan Moran. You might know him from Shaun of the Dead and Run Fatboy Run. Those roles were both way beneath him, as you're about to see.

Here is Dylan Moran talking about women.

Click here to read more.

I'm Going Away For A Bit.

I'm taking a mental break from comedy for a couple weeks. Here is my current schedule for the rest of the summer:

Upcoming Shows

get this portable calendar at comedysoapbox.com

In my stead, enjoy these fabulous GIFs:

Click here to read more.

Can You Buy This For Me?

I would wear it every day, I promise!

My Car Troubles Are Now A Major Motion Picture

As I previously mentioned, my car is fucked in the ass. But luckily, fellow Boston comedians Sonia Oram and Tyrone Jones were there to document the experience.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present Sonia Oram's Stranded.